6 things I learned in 6 months of marriage
On January 18th I married my best friend and high school sweetheart, Jaden. We got married on our 5th anniversary, so now we get to celebrate 01/18 forever!! Because we had already been together for so long. I really didn’t expect to learn very much or for there to be very much change right away, but BOY was I wrong!
In the last 6 months I have learned more about Jaden, myself, our relationship, and the Lord than I could have possibly expected. I mean quarantine teaches you a lot about a person. Marriage has stretched me and grown me a lot, and I am thankful that I get to share that growth with the best man I know. But that doesn’t mean that marriage is always easy. In fact, marriage requires a lot of work and a lot of sacrifice.
I am a firm believer that the best way to remember the things you’ve learned and continue to grow from them is to reflect. So that is the number one reason why I’m choosing to write this blog. But the second reason and the real driving factor behind putting these (rather personal) lessons out into the world is that I want other people to learn and reflect with me. So here are the 6 most important things I learned in the first 6 months of marriage:
1. We both want coffee in the morning
Jaden wasn’t a coffee drinker before he met me, but I have brought him to the dark side and now we are both coffee addicts. During our normal routine we were rarely up at the same time to drink coffee together. Then as we began spending more time at home together (thanks quarantine), I started to notice a trend: we both wanted coffee in the morning, but neither of us wanted to actually make it. I felt so loved when Jaden would take the time to make a pot so I didn’t have to, but I wasn’t very good at returning the favor. I began to be more intentional about making the coffee for us both in the morning, and not only did Jaden constantly verbalize his appreciation in a way that made me feel loved, but I also noticed a change in my own attitude throughout the day.
While maybe this story seems a little silly, I am so thankful for learning this lesson. If I let something as trivial as making my own coffee stir resentment in my heart now, what will that do to my marriage years from now? I’m sure that I will have to relearn this lesson over and over again, but maybe next time I will be quicker to serve my husband rather than only expecting him to serve me.
2. Budgets are absolutely vital
I can not say this enough!!! Jaden and I started really talking about money together during engagement. We created a mock budget 3 or 4 months before our wedding with the help of Dave Ramsey (if you don’t follow him, do it here) and my parents. Things have definitely changed for us since that mock budget, but I can’t imagine not having that staple in our marriage. We definitely are not pro’s at budgeting, and we still have a lot to learn. But I can’t tell you enough how important talking about our money has been. Jaden is so good at seeing the big picture and helping make all the plans, and I am all about the details of the daily life, so we make a pretty good team. That doesn’t mean that we don’t have to talk about our money or that it isn’t hard to talk about sometimes. Thankfully, we have an incredible support system to ask all the important questions, and a consistent budget that is helping us to be successful in managing out money.
3. Sex is good and better when we talk about it
I won’t apologize for talking about sex, so hopefully neither will you. We have to talk about it. We have to address that is a fundamental part of marriage. So that’s what I am doing.
Sex was designed by God for marriage. It was designed for good. It was designed to create a deep intimate bond. It was designed to be fun. It was designed to give pleasure. Sex has done all of those things for our marriage. And the more Jaden and I take the time to talk about sex, the more it does what it was designed to do. So we are going to keep talking about it, and we are going to keep making time for it. It’s better and we’re better when we do.
4. Married friends are so fun
Married friends are a different kind of friendship. Now don’t get me wrong, I am all about having my own girl friends, and I love that my husband has his guys, but having married friends has been one of the most fruit aspects of our marriage. While coordinating schedules isn’t always very easy between two couples, it has always been worth it. Having friends in the same season as you is always important, but I genuinely feel like this season of newly wed life has required those friends more than ever before. And thankfully we have been surrounded by them! Not just couples in their first year of marriage, but also couples in their first few years and engaged couples.
A quick bonus lesson that fits perfectly in with this one is: GET MENTORS! More on the importance of mentors later, but thank God we don’t have to figure this whole thing out without some support of people who have been there!!
5. Family is everything
Jaden and I grew up in very different families, but we both grew up knowing the value of our family. When we got married, we moved a little over an hour away from our immediate families so that I could finish out my last year of college. Even though I had lived away from my parents at college for 3 years, moving away this time was different. It did not take us very long to realize how much of family people we really are and how much we want to live closer to our parents. I talk to my mom multiple times a week and the same goes for Jaden. Our parents are some of our biggest supporters in the world, and our families are so important to us. We want to create a family that cherishes family.
6. You gotta talk about it ALL
Coffee. Budgets. Sex. Friends. Family. Everything in between. Jaden is my best friend and we talk about it all. He’s the first person I want to tell my good news to and the first person I go to when I need some cheering up. But sometimes I’ll let myself get in the way. Sometimes I keep things to myself. Sometimes I let things slip to a friend. Sometimes I just forget. When I don’t talk to him about something, I always regret it. Jaden is the best encourager, secret keeper, and celebrator, and life is so much better when he knows it all. As cheesy as it sounds, communication really is key.
Honorable Mention: it’s okay to mess up sometimes, as long as you learn from it
This list definitely does not include every thing I learned in the last 6 months, but it does cover some of the most important things. We still have a lot to learn, but we have a lifetime ahead of us to learn it. I hope that this list has taught you something or sparked some interest or even just helped you reflect on your own life.
Married life is so fun, and I am so blessed to get to do life with my amazing husband! Jaden I love you and here’s to a lifetime of learning.
2 Comments
Rebecca Woodall
Oh my gosh I loved this so much!!!! Everyone told us being married would be completely different and in a lot of ways it was. In some ways it wasn’t but I completely agree quarantine only made the first 6 months better for us too. We got to really figure everything out and had a lot of quality time to do it! Thank you for sharing I love the fact there is someone else I know in the same phase to relate to!!!
Misty Tyler
I must say that you are way ahead of where I was after 6 months of marriage. Thank you for sharing your lessons with us. After almost 20 years of marriage, it’s still important to keep learning and keep working on each other. I am so proud of the way you and Jaden are working together and building this rock solid foundation for your future.